23 November 2010

Take It One Step At A Time

DAY 23

The road that I'm traveling as a newly-minted, full-time step-mother has been an interesting one to say the least. Before I committed to this role I did what I always do when faced with a new challenge...I hit the books.
Actually that's not quite true. I tried to find literature that gave me some sort of constructive guide to this messy situation but there was very little out there that I found to be of great assistance.

There were a plethora of titles about parenting in general, supporting kids through separation and divorce, single parent guides....but not so much for that tricky beast the step-parent.

Fortunately the children's father, Captain V. is a very hands-on and committed Dad and he has been a patient guide and mentor. Not only are we nurturing our own relationship, but he is helping me step-by-awkward-step to parent his children with him.

I am very much at the novice level and often feel like I have two-left feet firmly lodged between my molars but the kids are fantastic and we are slowly finding our 'groove'.
When things go awry I have to remind myself that this is just the start of our dance together and that I am very fortunate to have two extra-large feet to stand on [his not mine!] when the 'steps' get too tricky. 

In closing this post today, I would like to extend a special thank you to Naomi at Seven Cherubs for her support and friendship.  She has written a brilliant post on what it means to be a mother which I would encourage you to read. For me it was such an empowering article and reading it gave me the impetus to write and share this post with you today.  If you know someone who could do with a boost to their parenting 'self', I suggest you print it off and share it as it holds lots of wonderful wisdom.
Thank you Naomi for this gift.

Until next we meet, enjoy the Now! and if you're visiting from Allison's 'Weekend Rewind' thank you for giving this particularly heartfelt post another 'play'.


  1. Perhaps as you gain more experience you could write a book about your journey down the step-parent road seeing as you couldn't find much out there to help you. I'm certain it would be an interesting and obviously very helpful read. I'm interested to go over and read the article you mentioned. Raising my now 24 year old daughter was the greatest joy in my life, hard at times but still, wonderful. I would say approach it all with love, respect, boundaries and understanding, both in the giving and expecting to be given. You sound very lucky.

  2. Felicity you're my daily burst of inspiration. Parenthood is a big topic that's for sure! Your step children are very fortunate to have someone so committed and eager to learn and do the best job you can. I'll check out Naomi's post too. Thanks :)x

  3. How fascinating, Felicity. You're the first person I've ever met who has even raised these questions, let alone admitted to the trickiness and challenges of the situation.

    Even with three children of my own, I face every day with 'L-plates' on! I imagine having step-children must feel a bit similar. Is that right? I wonder if Mr PB and I will ever graduate to our 'Ps' or even get our full licence ☺.

    Oh, and I concur - Naomi's post was fabulous. J x

  4. You're lucky to have a great husband you can lean on for support. I admire your penchant to learn. True, there's no right way to parent. But reading can provide you with options to try out. It's a process & sometimes we just need to have faith in it.

  5. I agree - write the book! You'd do it brilliantly. And I agree about the daily inspiration. I'm beginning to feel a little sad that Now!vember is nearly over, but excited about what December may hold!

  6. I agree write a book to help guide people through the wonderful world of (step) parenting you would be great

  7. Following on from you comment you left Yes Paul Kelly a wonderful song writer. Charmaine

  8. I can only imagine you are a wonderful Step-Mum with your thoughtful approach to all things. Your step-kids are blessed to have such a caring and inspired soul in their lives. I haven't read Naomi's post but will click over. Thanks for the referral :)

  9. I am sure it is very tricky being a step parent ... I have a step dad and for years I never liked him, but over time we found our way. And even when he was the last person on earth I wanted to speak to I always knew he was there if I needed. Now we get along fantastic - we just needed time to work each other out. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job and it sounds like Captain V is a fantastic man.

  10. Hi Everyone,

    A big thank you to each of you for stopping by and leaving your thoughts on today's post.
    As you can imagine it is a sensitive topic and it has been very uplifting to receive your insights and encouragement.

    Biggest of hugs,

    Felicity x

  11. Writing the book would be a good idea if you want to do it. I remember looking for the same kind of guide when I became step-parent to an angry teenage boy 10 years ago and could find nothing! It sounds like you've got the right attitude though - which is half the battle. x

  12. what a shock! normally I check your blog every day but I have been super busy this week.

    I was enjoying this post and your honest heartfelt thoughts and then saw a picture of myself - totally jumped in my seat! you are super sweet and thanks so much for your kind words and blog link!

    I am loving the support you are getting for a book idea - who would have thought??? looking forward to some more posts on this topic and great to see you are not alone in your feelings.

    Felicity you are so wonderful, I love your cleverness and ideas with your blog.

    I love your desire to be a great support to the children you have under your care and that you know Captain V is your guide and that your relationship with him is very important to making this work. your cherubs are so blessed to have you as part of their life.

    Enjoy :) you are truly amazing!

    Big hugs and love
    Naomi xx

  13. strength to you. Having been a step mum at one time I know how rocky the road can be sometimes. just be yourself and the rest will flow.

  14. I have so much respect for step mum's as you're kind of thrown in at the deep end. Those little people are so lucky to have you in their lives, you sound like a wonderful mum to have. x

  15. Just loving reading this again, F. The effort you put into all this is so touching and gorgeous to witness. J x

  16. Hey, I'm rewinding a Now!vember post too :-)
    I also remember this post from the first time around, but was obviously too shy to comment (oh how times have changed!!) And yes, I did love Naomi's post - so uplifting and inspiring :-)

  17. Lovely post - it's an intricate dance you've found yourself in, but it sounds as though you're doing a brilliant job.

    Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro!


Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Each new comment is a gift - unexpected and lovely.
Although I'd love to reply to each and every one, this isn't always possible, but know that I read and appreciate them all.

Felicity x